Stressed Out
State 34- Delaware
Time: Ugh…. Do I have to put it? 4:15:40
My training for this race has been by far the strongest training of my marathon life to date. That is what makes the race itself one of the hardest for me to accept as a crash and burn. It also was one of the most beautiful courses- probably my favorite course- not race- but course.
Training started with slowly adding back the endurance, already in January/February I had started to add in the 16/17/18 miles. Where I was trying to remind my body that those are normal miles for me. They no longer felt hard as I kept pounding away. Which at one point I had not felt them to be difficult and so I was working my way back to that.
They also started to get faster. Then I ran with Kristen for a 13 mile step back week. Kristen is fast so I hoped with stepping back to 13 and her having 16 (and only her second time training for a full marathon), that I could keep up with her. Not only did I keep up with her goal pace, but we both picked it up faster than we thought with an 8:10average.
I had multiple Personal Bests:
5 miles at on march 11 in 37:48 or a 7:23 average
4 miles at 31:57 two days after running 26.2 miles.
6 miles at a 7:52 average
7 miles 7:54 average speed or 55min 22 sec.
Then came the longer runs:
16 miles on January 30th at 8:43average; 17 miles on February 7th at 8:34; Feb 20th 17 at 8:28; Feb 28th 18 at 8:20
20miles- March 20th I ran a big part with Maddy, Jill, Audra and Jamie with my final average at 8:28 average. On this run, I started on my own and had a break while the girls got ready to join. We kicked butt- as Maddy and Jill tend to go out a little faster at the end we slowed a bit but not bad (well Jill didn’t slow at all….I’m so looking forward to their first marathon experience in 2 weeks)
21 – This was an especially special run for me. I ran 7 miles on my own, stopped and picked up my fiancé- and he went out to run a couch to …whatever he could…. Which was nearly 7 miles! We started slow but he caught his rhythm and picked up the pace. In this time, I didn’t play any music- I just soaked up running with him- listening to his strong and steady footstep and listening to hear if he was having trouble breathing which he was not. We stopped at the turn around, took pictures and made our away back. We stopped to stretch his ankles as he wasn’t in the right footwear just yet. Then…. He showed me what he always did after football practice back in the day- he kicked it…like kicked my butt and left me in the dust- which was awesome to watch him do! …he went home and I continued my run with an overall average of something like 8:35 my watch lost this data.
26.2- This was going to be 24 miles but…sometimes you just got it (and as you will read below- sometimes you don’t). This run was a blessing and a curse because it made me put pressure on myself- but also because It was so good- it also allows me to know I “still got it’ Part of the run I ran with Kristen, which she was just back from the Ragnar relay the week before in a 6 person team…all who have done that know…it’s not easy and it was in soCal so it was definitely not an easy course. We did have a few “stop the clock walk breaks”- but it was still comfortable. When I lost her I kept running and thought- I should just do 26.2…. so I stayed far enough away from home to force it …and it was AWESOME- I did it in an 8:27 average or 3:41:41.
20- This one I decided I need to just go out and do and never stop because I kept stopping on my training long runs- I wanted to see what I could do. So I ran a bit alone, then with Lisa- with a short stop to join up with her….like 1 minute…and then we went on our way. It was a bit slower but I think after doing a 20, 21 step back 26.2 to 20…your body…is going to be slower… at an average of about 8:40…again- watch lost this data- it still set my expectations with a 2 week taper to kick some butt!
So race…. Flights to Delaware from MKE- awesome- cheaper flight on American into Philly non-stop and then a quick drive to Wilmington. I opted a share ride which I have never done before. My driver… was AWESOME…. Gene- or at first I had to do a double take- he looked like Steve Harvey! As he is driving us- he tells us this story of the time he was mistaken for Steve Harvey and he kind of just went with it. Awesome.
Wilmington is a cool city as we drive in- though on weekends it seems to be closed and there was no CVS/Walgreens/Convenience store within 1.5 miles of where I was staying.. We were in the city- how can that be? The plus- it has plenty of big buildings and is walkable. My hotel- Weston- was on the riverwalk less than a mile to the start. I guess I don’t stay at many host hotels, but this one was just as cheap as the others so I did. We had goodie bags, breakfast in the morning and a 3pm checkout time- first time ever I have ever gotten such a late checkout! When Maria and I wanted a 1pm checkout in Indiana at a 2 star hotel- they charged us!
So- that was great. But let me back up one moment. I don’t really want to make excuses but when we talk about taper time- it’s supposed to be a relaxing time. Yes sometimes I get sick and even have had a good run when sick, yes the runs feel sluggish- but Taper seemed to be different this time. Work. .. Stressed out.
My job- I LOVE what I do, but… Last fall we got busy to a good challenging level/pace. That momentum carried into the New Year. Except, one guy retired who did his own PM work, so his portfolio was added to my load. Which was busier but I could manage. Then- We finally hired a new person. And that person has a lot of stuff to look at AND at the same time my friend/boss/coworker was going on maternity leave. And while a great experience for me to take over her workload while she is gone and learn that part of the business, it has put me over the edge as far as taking care of myself. Don't get me wrong, I like the productive feeling at the end of the day, I’m being noticed because I’m keeping up and doing it all and the 'not my job' is a learn as I go. I can do it but it then makes my life lose the sense of balance that I find so important.
I’m a machine at work- but right now- I forget to eat/take a lunch/refill my water bottle. It’s fine when it happens for a few days- but we are over a month on this pattern right now.
I mention this- because - the week before the marathon was the peak of my stress (or I hope). And the last few weeks- I come home and just want to drink a bottle of wine and unwind- and not move- and bless Joe- he is such a great partner. He’s probably just as tired of my exhaustion as I am.
Yes- I’m planning a wedding on top of all this- but honestly- that’s not stressful. That’s fun. I’m overly organized- been planning for almost a year now, have hired all the awesome people who love what they do and if I have no clue about that thing and have a moment of stress about it -they handle it. I’m marrying my best friend, and our Bridal party is awesome organizing the fun stuff. I feel like until the final month- I’m in the place where I have a few things to get done here and there and it’s a stress reliever- and I just get to enjoy it all. So that’s a plus- the wedding is not adding to the stress.
So back to stress and what it does to ones body…Wednesday before the race- I got the fever/chills. Thursday and Friday nights- I’m even more exhausted- like weak- can’t lift my arms tired. Saturday I wake up with a migraine. The plane ride- I’m working to catch up on my job. I get to the hotel, get the stuff I need to get done for the race done and crank the temp to 75 to blast away the chills- and I just rest (and do more work…). Hoping I would be relaxed enough to make the race great.
So morning of the race I get up a little earlier than usual to do some yoga because I noticed a few noises in my body on my short runs that week that I wanted to just kind of work out. I go on my way. Texting with Erin as I walk to the start, and then with Joe. This was just another training run- and 26.2 miles was so easy a month ago.
We start- and are off- first loop. Awe start going downhill making our way to the boardwalk. I try to remind myself not to get too fast to start. Though it wasn’t hard to be a little slower to start. They didn’t have pace corals- so everyone was just a cluster together. Then we hit a bit of an industrial area- which still wasn’t bad. A little up- and on into Brandywine Park- Oh my – this park was Beautiful- River on your left and zoo on your right and slight rolls but felt more down. Then we got to go over a swinging bridge- which is awesome on the joints and gave me a little speed….onto some gravel trail and then blacktop trail. 1.5 miles later we reached the climb. Maybe on the 2ndloop I realized it was about 1.5 miles up- but on the first loop it didn’t seem too bad. I slowed to about an 8:40-9:00 and felt a little tired, but the next part made me feel all better- false flats, little downs and little ups. Oldish houses and just beautiful. Mostly shaded. And then a little retail and city area with sun. Again my speed adjusted on the ups, flats and downs. I was doing everything as planned for the first loop- take it easy and enjoy it. We made our way back through to the down of what we climbed but it was more of a 2 mile down as we passed where we got on the hill. It.was.just.beautiful. I still don’t know how to master downs though I guess. I say- no resistance- try not to pound the down but also just let the turnover happen.
And then we turn up Market St and it gets a little difficult. Some people passed me for what was first time on the whole run. Then I think I’ll just regain the umpf as we go down into loop #2- The plan was to pick it up on the flat part of Loop #2…..and adjust on the hills.
That didn’t happen. Instead I started to desire a bathroom stop and I started to slow…and slow….and slow…. And finally I stopped to use the bathroom in hopes- knowing in training when I would stop for a bathroom break- after I felt fresher and faster…but again that didn’t happen…. So I decided I need a little walk- it’s too early for a crash and burn maybe if I give myself a moment to catch myself- I’ll be good.
…I texted Kristen in this time. And she’s not only a great running partner but she’s a great coach (duh). Reminding me to stay positive telling me what I needed to hear. I run again- I cramp and stop- and stretch…. I run again…and stop and start and stop and start – I make it up the hill- walking a lot of it….and then a little down….and I’m cramping here like the kind that takes over your legs. And that when the tears first hit. Kristen texts me “Deep Breaths, calm yourself down. Repeat out loud I am Strong. I am Strong- one word per breath” ….and that’s what I did- I was running again- maybe I could still finish sub 4 I kept saying in my head I.am.strong. Mile 22- I just needed 10 minute miles to keep that a dream. But then I had a 15 minute mile! ….4 hours was out the door- From there- at 10 minute miles I was looking at a 4:05…. I run more, I cramp I stretch- I run. I wished so much for a Vanessa (Baltimore – amazing running friend). I never found any one friendly. I was surrounded by people that had a natural slower stride than me, as when I was running and getting into my stride- even slower for me I would pass them- but then I would cramp and have to stop and stretch.
Finally mile 23 I was at the down… 2 miles down…you would think cruise control right? Nope – bc if my legs moved at the speed they are made to go- they were cramping and I was walking. 11 minute miles – DOWN…. That’s right.
(If you want to see lactic acid bubbling through your body at its finest just ask I have video but videos don't post on this)
And I still had one more climb up before I hit the final down into the finish coral. Sad to say even with .1 miles to go I was cramping and had to stop for a moment- and then made my way running- 2 people passed me in the finish coral but I ran it.
I finished- I started to cry- and just couldn’t be there- I left the scene as fast as I could- if this was the first time this happened maybe I wouldn’t have been so upset. But even then- Baltimore- I wasn’t as committed to my training and speedwork as I was this time. And Alabama- I was overtrained. This time training was spot on, I recovered I watched for becoming overtrained. Why was this such a bad race? Was it really the work stress and how do I keep this from happening again?
I.dont.know.
All I know is it was my last run as Tara Kreuser- I wanted it to be a PR, it was a golden run (state #34 age 34). Best training ever shouldn’t lead to this. What is wrong with me ? how do I pr?
I’m hoping a little rest and getting back at it- I can keep moving forward with my strong training until it results in a payoff of a great race. I don’t expect every race to be a PR- but when sub 4 hour marathons were coming so easy for me for such a long time- and training is better than ever- I expect at least an easy sub 4 hour race.
Wish we could turn back time to the good ole days- where a sub 4 hour race was the norm especially for how strong I’ve gotten- but now I’m stressed out.
I thought about entering into another race in the near future to just feel better about it all. But- my work position won’t change for the next two months- and while I will keep on working on ways to de-stress my body- that probably includes not putting it through another marathon in this busy time- after it fought me so hard on this one.
So….Next race I enter I will be Tara Anne Kessenich. Hopefully then I can focus on the new days were Tara Kessenich only knows how to run a sub 4 hour marathon.
