Mind over Matter

Mind over Matter

State #35 Nebraska Marathon

Time:  4:07:09

 

 

I’m going to approach this race write up the way I approached the race:  I had a lot of negative factors some that really upset me, but I promised myself, and I pretty much kept to that promise- at the start of the clock- nothing negative mattered, it was just about working through it and finding the positive.   So, while I didn’t get the time I wanted for another marathon in a row, I had the attitude to be content when I crossed the finish line.

 

Okay Negative out of the way then we will jump into trainingand keep it positive.

• I got super sick the week before and was still recovering from that day of race.

• The weather was in the 70s and humid which isn’t HOT but it was no 2016 Chicago Marathon weather which I was hoping for.

• On the walk to the start, I twisted my ankle in a construction area where the road dropped off from the curb, like I heard a pop- luckily no swelling it just throbbed. (Though aftermath-  once race pain went away I learned this was injured and I’m currently trying to stay off that foot as much as possible for a week- this is hard for me!!!)

• They started the race 40 minutes late – so those nerves you are ready to release became wasted energy for 40 minutes especially when they changed the start time about 5 times in those 40 minutes.  They used excuses about fog at first- but that’s not a reason for a delay unless your whole support team doesn’t have it together.  Then there was a fire at some porta potties at the finish- so once fog cleared then they used that as the excuse.    Again- 40 minutes- standing around …not cool.

• That 40 minutes late- translates to the hotel that charged double the price for marathon weekend than any other weekend- should probably be a little more accommodating and give you a later checkout.  BUT Hilton Garden Inn front desk staff was rude when we asked and didn’t.  My 20 minutes to change and shower and pack and leave translated to me leaving my garmin charger behind- of which did not show up in the lost in found.

• Mile 1 my sock fell – but this turns into a nice positive so we will leave the rest of that story for the full write up.

• The race did not have any electrolyte drink for the first 6 miles.  My fault for not bringing my hand held BUT- come on- what race that you paid normal marathon price for doesn’t have electrolyte drinks 

• ….and because my body is sensitive to electrolyte depletion, I got a visual migraine at mile 6- I will talk about this in the race write up since the positive was I overcame it- but when your vision starts to go and you see slivers of silver specs in your peripheral it makes you fear game over.

 

And now we leave negativity behind and focus on the Journey and all the positive.  

 

Training was a little different this summer with planning a wedding and the loss of my Grandma.   After my May marathon, I didn’t get many miles in for the first month as there were wedding planning events and trips.  The Thursday before my Grandma got sick, I took a half day of work to go on a 70 bike ride with Kristen and Kylie so at least there was that.     But-  My Grandma got sick and passed in one month from when she originally showed signs of being sick.  And now because when I write about this subject- I become paralyzed and I start to replay different moments in my mind that my fingers start typing- to not forget them and then rant. I’m about to digress- though it does play a role in why my training was so scattered and non-existent for a while.  When it comes to anything that deals with my Grandma’s death, I can’t seem to get to point D without making it through A B and C first.  

 

My healthy Grandma….June 4th we were between her house and ours playing musical TVs to get her a working TV that fits in her living room- we finally get that taken care of and she tells us she already ate while we were driving back and forth but she wanted to spend time with us and she insisted she take us out to my, Joe and her place- the Outback Steakhouse.  Even though we told her awhile back we wanted to take us out- she insisted this time she pay- and promised we could pay next time.   She didn’t hear the size of the Beer Joe ordered and she just said “I’ll have what he is having”   as we waited for our table at the Bar.  It was so funny to see this HUGE beer in front of her, that she could barely lift and she maybe drank half of.   She seemed so fine and even when she makes comments like “if I make it to your wedding” I would tell her she was healthy so that’s silly talk.   She ate her entire meal and loved it.   We dropped her off at her home, went to Sports Authority where I bought her a new thera-band because she said she needed a new one so I called her and told her I would get it to her when I see her for my Aunt and Uncle’s surprise anniversary Party June 18th.

 

Between June 4th and June 18th I had my California Bachelorette party, which included a bike ride and an easy run, but I made training revolve around things like this so the long runs would come later in June/July.

 

June 18th I think I ran before my hair appointment, but that’s when my mom texted me that Grandma fell and dad had to break into her house to find her on the ground.   She said she was fine, just weak though at this point she didn’t go to my Aunt and Uncles Party- I asked her if she wanted me to come over and she said she was fine.  I wish I would have.

I’m so thankful for the men in my life.  Thankful for my husband, who was so patient with my grandma and the TV debacle earlier that month.  For changing our plans to spend that night with her.   For my dad, for picking Grandma up to spend Father’s day with us.    From here my grandma wasn’t eating, I suggested Ensure, and my mom got her some, but that lead to her throwing it up which lead to her going to the ER.   My grandma isn’t sick- she doesn’t go to hospitals this isn’t normal.   So I planned a work trip/site visit in Kenosha so I could spend my lunch with her the Thursday after her fall.  Since admitted to the hospital my mom would go to the hospital from 1:00 to dinner time, so I knew Grandma was alone before then.   So I went over about 11:30.  I sat with her when she told me “I think the doctor told me I have cancer”   Those words, how she choked them out, how she was trying to be brave for her granddaughter- how I tried to be brave for her but I started to cry then she started to cry, how I told her I Loved her and I prayed she really knew how much I did- I will never forget that moment.

It still took until the following Tuesday for us to confirm where the cancer was and what it was, though in that moment all tests were stopped to allow her to get well enough to take her home.   We knew enough- it was late stages of ovarian cancer and the Doctor told us she likely had 2-4 months to live.   After over a week in the hospital we took her home.  My aunt took leave of work to live with her and we had in home hospice care.  It brought our two families together- something that didn’t happen too often (likely not since my uncle and I ran the Minnesota Marathon) but we all had one thing in common- our Love for our Grandma/Mom.  

 

Training just got lost in the blur of this month.  I couldn’t run long, I needed to be with my Grandma.  Even before we got the 2-4 months diagnosis while she was in the hospital and I was at her house- helping clean a little bit for her to come home to a clean house and no trace of the throw up that happened.  I needed to get a run in but I couldn’t.  I couldn’t leave the house- when I finally did it was hot and I just ran walked and cut it short because I needed to be with her- I needed to make her cards with the kids to take to the hospital to cheer her up.   Running didn’t matter. 

 

A week after we got the 2-4 months diagnosis her timeframe got gut to 2-4 weeks.   16 days from when she was taken home, she passed July 17th at 4:45am.    In that month, I think I ran at most 6 miles.  But my heart was hurting so much there wasn’t a run that didn’t include walking.  My endurance though, was able to shine through how long I could sit and comb her hair/massage her legs- a full hour could pass doing that.  My endurance just was put to use in other ways but that time would pass and I would just want more time.  

 

After July 17th, I still wasn’t running too much.   I needed to get back into it.  So finally July 29th- I made the time- I time to run a whole 10 miles!    Yeah- that’s it- just needed to start somewhere and that was it.   It was a lunch run and it was hot but it was an 8:37 average.  I had to run fast because that’s a long work lunch run so I needed to get back into the office.

 

Did I mention I was getting married/planning a wedding?  So now we have the near wedding festivities to plan these long runs around.   September 10th was our amazing wedding day.  I managed to find 3 weekends in a row I could build the endurance back up before the wedding.  16, 18 and 20 mile runs.    

 

The 16 miler was the longest I got in since my May 8thMarathon- completed on August 7th- so 3 months later- that’s a long time for me to go that long without a 16 miler!   I ran it with Kristen, who motivated me as she biked 112 miles the day before.  We completed it at 8:47/mile average and I’ll take it.     The 18 miler wasn’t as great- walking was included and it was a struggle- but I felt accomplished for still doing all 18!  And the 20 miler I’m not remembering how that one went.  I remember feeling like I was ready for a step back week but that’s about it.

Then I had two step back weeks- with a shorter run on my Birthday weekend and a 10 miler the Thursday of the weekend I got married. So…not your typical training schedule.     I decided on Nebraska the week before the wedding.  I hadn’t picked a state yet and knew I needed a fall state.  This one was in driving distance, it didn’t interfere with the potential cubs in World Series (though still an awesome series game that Saturday night) and was enough time for me to squeeze in one more 16, 18, 20with a one week taper.

 

My Taper was the Chicago Marathon.  12 miles where I was inspired.  Running 4 with Kristen who PR/qualified for Boston; 4 with Cheryl, who was in from San Fran- so awesome to see her! And who PRed; and 4 with Erin, who was running her first marathon post Baby and all smiles and happy even though it wasn’t a PR- she had a “proud to be a mommy” glow.  I was so inspired I hoped maybe I could pull the same off.   I told myself when I got sick, it would force fluids and rest which is a good thing.

 

Saturday morning Joe and I woke up super early to drive to Nebraska.   The packet Pickup closed at 3:00pm so that was our goal- be there just before 3.    Packet Pickup was super small- maybe even the smallest I have been to that wasn’t a trail or ultra race.   Sometimes you get excited to buy some gu or anything at packet pickup- at least look at what they had, but there was none of that.    So we went on our merry way to the hotel.  We walked to a local grocer to pickup food and stuff.    As we walked, we discovered downtown Omaha.  It’s actually really cute and you can see it’s a growing community.   It’s not like Milwaukee that has a lot of history/ old buildings.    But it seems like an up and coming on the edge city for being in the middle of nowhere. 

 

For the evening we went to this cool Sport Bar to watch the Cubs as well as the Badgers.   I think the place was called DJ’s.  Our server was awesome, they have a million TVs everywhere- like better than any other sports bar I have ever been to.   I think they had at least 3 sections with different sound for the games so you could sit in the area where your number one team you wanted to watch was and then watch the other games.   Around 9:30 Joe walked me back to the hotel and I went to bed (he went on to watch the Cubbies win).  

 

In the morning I woke up and it was usual race prep-  I was trying a few new things- even with training, I switched shorts.  Which I love, but they have no pockets, they are cheap shorts actually, so now I need to find some nicer ones just like it with pockets!  I got a race belt for my phone/music which I tested out the week before and liked.  I wanted to keep what was on me to a minimum so I decided I would just trust and deal with the water stations only- not bring my own water/electrolytes.  

 

Joe woke up to hug me good luck-  he was going to run with me on the earlier end of the race-  because it was right by the hotel, and the second half was over the bridge in Iowa and it took too much coordination to bother with that.  I was just thankful to have him for a few miles – whenever that may be.  
So I walk to the start.  It was super foggy and eerie but seemed like a decent day.  Maybe a little warm and the fog brought some humidity, but not horrible.    I get to the start, did a bag drop (which really only had a long sleeved shirt to put on after), and stood in line for the porta potties.  Now at the packet pickup, they did have some shirts, but they all read “run local” and in line for the porta-potty was when it was very noticeable this was a race where almost everyone knew everyone.    There were a decent amount of runners but they were all grouped together in their running groups.    I go to line up for the race as it is to start in 5 minutes- I see a girl who was alone and decided I needed to get back into going to a race and making friends- not just be focused on the race.     She was running the half, her first half and eventually I met the group of people she was there running with.   They were all real nice.   But that’s also when I learned of the first delay.  Skipping negativity- bullet points above point out race didn’t start on time. …but it started.  Once it started it was a very fun downhill.     

 

I went back and forth on how to tackle this race.   Do start off slow or do I push and hope I don’t crash and burn?   Downhillshurt me a lot- and I still haven’t figured them out.  If you let your body just go- it’s a little more pounding on the legs, if you hold back and control, you are working your muscles more.    I decided to go the relaxed but pounding route.  I was clipping on the downhills a sub 8 but I just figured I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t when it comes to downhill so – get some speed.   2.5 miles in I found my husband and he jumped right in with me before we hit our first uphill.    We clocked 8:30-9:00s the whole time together.  I told him some of the start, which part of the delay was the Porta-Potties at the finish- someone set them on fire- and they had to be replaced.

 

I was feeling good with him the whole time, but since they only had water, no electrolytes he was hoping to jump out grab me an electrolyte drink and get it to me while I had my 2 mile out and back from mile 6.5-8.    The moment he left me is when I started to get the vision migraine-  which is just seeing spots.  I luckily packed some electrolyte pills- I reminded myself of how this has happened on a bike before- once I overcame it on the half ironman and once I didn’t and ran the Olympic distance 10K not letting the migraine fully hit until the finish.  Either way- I have finished two races like that before so I kept positive and just started the Gus right then and there and electrolyte pills.  By mile 10 the migraine was fully gone.  

 

But then as we made our way over the bridge into Iowa, my legs were already sore.    Always in the first half, you know what kind of race you are going to have.  And I knew I was going to have to work hard for this one.   I actually already walked up a little hill before we hit mile 13.   A girl passed me.  I could have become negative right here, but instead I decided I would catch up to her and talk with her.    This was her first marathon, she lived in the area, was a nurse.    She wanted to get sub 4 hours (which I’m sure she did), and she was playing real good music not on headphones so I could enjoy it too.    We lasted just a little bit, back to an 8:30 pace when I decided I wanted to walk for a bit again – just a moment.  I think part of this was because we weren’t syncing with our running and I felt like I was pushing to hold her ebs and flows- and I needed to be in my own rhythm.     With that, I kept her in sight for the next few miles.  I then hit what would be mile 20 when turned around.  That made me happy!  Still running with a walk on a hill.    I started to get really hot, the sun was out and the water seemed so far and few in between.   I made it to the turn around and started to make my way back.  I like out and backs because it’s nice to see all the other people, it motivates you to keep on runnining to see others inspire ahead and behind you.    Just before mile 20, someone put out a cooler with little ice cold bottles of water.  Seriously- this thing was AMAZING- I grabbed and guzzled and that was just so wonderful.  I think the race people knew they should have had a water station at the turn around and they spaced a little too far out there.   So they then also had a lady in a UTV sort of thing handing out more bottles of water.   So I took that as well.   I’m glad they had the sense to realize it was hotter than probably what they expected, so they did what they had to do to keep people hydrated in an area without water stations.     

 

Then there was my sock that had fallen off early on.  The blister on my foot started to hurt and it was finally to a point I needed to take care of it.  My legs were sore and I was walking every now and then to stretch them out.  So when I stopped to take off my shoe- well the leg cramped and I wasn’t able to do this so well.    We were out in a park area and I looked ahead and saw a bench with people sitting there.   I figured I could just run there and then work on my sock.   So, with my shoe laces already undone I ran there carefully and slowly.    Once I made it there  I sat down to work on my shoe when the cramps made this not be a quick stop, but a nice long stop to work out the cramp.   This is where – how nice are Nebraskans?   One girl right there totally volunteered to take off my shoe, fix my sock and tie my shoe, for me!    How awesome!    At this point, I needed to hold just under a 10minute mile to still finish at a sub 4 hour race.   I thought- maybe that could still happen- but then we got to the point of counting steps, and they were more like 12 minute miles with walking- and 3 miles to go.  I was very excited to hit the bridge and cross back into Nebraska because I remember seeing the 26 mile marker at the bottom of the bridge- which meant .2 from there.  I stopped on the bridge to enjoy the scene as I tried to stretch out this cramp in my leg that wouldn’t go away.  Then I ran down and made it to mile 26.  And of course- at that moment- I cramped- OTHER leg…the kind that freezes you in your tracks.   I’m just standing there trying to breathe it out.  When a nice girl who was right there waiting for her friends to cheer- let me hang onto her to work out the cramp.  What I’m proud of in this moment is I laughed- I was breathing it out- I wasn’t getting angry because I know I can have better races.   I was able to live what I tell my yoga students throughout class which includes…

Every day is a new day, how you felt or what you did in class yesterday or last week, might not be what you do today….  Let how you feel today, set your intention for your practice (race), and let your intention guide you practice. …   Falling is part of balance it’s not if you fall, but when you fall, how you react and get right back at it…We only want self-love and no judgement….just breathe.

And with that, the lady on the UTV was driving by, asked if I wanted a ride to the finish.  I smiled and I thanked her – I said – it’s just a cramp the finish is .2miles away-   I’ve got this!   Luckily the finish was around the corner from where I was with a building blocking- so I just took a few more moments to let the cramp go away enough for me to run- and then I ran slowly but surely- to the finish line.    

It wasn’t my best time, it wasn’t my worst time.   But for whatever time, I had the right mental mindset keeping positive, which is where I hope to stay with the last 15 states ahead of me.

 

 

 

 

stressed out

Stressed Out

State 34- Delaware

Time:  Ugh…. Do I have to put it?   4:15:40

 

My training for this race has been by far the strongest training of my marathon life to date.  That is what makes the race itself one of the hardest for me to accept as a crash and burn.   It also was one of the most beautiful courses- probably my favorite course- not race- but course.

 

Training started with slowly adding back the endurance, already in January/February I had started to add in the 16/17/18 miles.  Where I was trying to remind my body that those are normal miles for me.  They no longer felt hard as I kept pounding away.  Which at one point I had not felt them to be difficult and so I was working my way back to that.

They also started to get faster.  Then I ran with Kristen for a 13 mile step back week.   Kristen is fast so I hoped with stepping back to 13 and her having 16 (and only her second time training for a full marathon), that I could keep up with her.   Not only did I keep up with her goal pace, but we both picked it up faster than we thought with an 8:10average.

 

I had multiple Personal Bests:  

5 miles at on march 11 in 37:48 or a 7:23 average

4 miles at 31:57 two days after running 26.2 miles.

6 miles at a 7:52 average

7 miles 7:54 average speed or 55min 22 sec.

 

Then came the longer runs:

16 miles on January 30^th at 8:43average; 17 miles on February 7^th at 8:34; Feb 20^th 17 at 8:28; Feb 28^th   18 at 8:20

 

20miles- March 20^{th I} ran a big part with Maddy, Jill, Audra and Jamie with my final average at 8:28 average.  On this run, I started on my own and had a break while the girls got ready to join.  We kicked butt- as Maddy and Jill tend to go out a little faster at the end we slowed a bit but not bad (well Jill didn’t slow at all….I’m so looking forward to their first marathon experience in 2 weeks)

 

21 – This was an especially special run for me.  I ran 7 miles on my own, stopped and picked up my fiancé- and he went out to run a couch to …whatever he could…. Which was nearly 7 miles!  We started slow but he caught his rhythm and picked up the pace.  In this time, I didn’t play any music- I just soaked up running with him- listening to his strong and steady footstep and listening to hear if he was having trouble breathing which he was not.  We stopped at the turn around, took pictures and made our away back.   We stopped to stretch his ankles as he wasn’t in the right footwear just yet.    Then…. He showed me what he always did after football practice back in the day-  he kicked it…like kicked my butt and left me in the dust- which was awesome to watch him do!    …he went home and I continued my run with an overall average of something like 8:35 my watch lost this data.

 

26.2- This was going to be 24 miles but…sometimes you just got it (and as you will read below- sometimes you don’t).   This run was a blessing and a curse because it made me put pressure on myself- but also because It was so good- it also allows me to know I “still got it’ Part of the run I ran with Kristen, which she was just back from the Ragnar relay the week before in a 6 person team…all who have done that know…it’s not easy and it was in soCal so it was definitely not an easy course.     We did have a few “stop the clock walk breaks”- but it was still comfortable.   When I lost her I kept running and thought- I should just do 26.2…. so I stayed far enough away from home to force it …and it was AWESOME-  I did it in an 8:27 average or 3:41:41.

 

20- This one I decided I need to just go out and do and never stop because I kept stopping on my training long runs- I wanted to see what I could do.   So I ran a bit alone, then with Lisa- with a short stop to join up with her….like 1 minute…and then we went on our way.  It was a bit slower but I think after doing a 20, 21 step back 26.2 to 20…your body…is going to be slower… at an average of about 8:40…again- watch lost this data-  it still set my expectations with a 2 week taper to kick some butt!

 

So race….  Flights to Delaware from MKE- awesome- cheaper flight on American into Philly non-stop and then a quick drive to Wilmington.  I opted a share ride which I have never done before.   My driver… was AWESOME…. Gene- or at first I had to do a double take- he looked like Steve Harvey!  As he is driving us- he tells us this story of the time he was mistaken for Steve Harvey and he kind of just went with it.     Awesome.

 

Wilmington is a cool city as we drive in- though on weekends it seems to be closed and there was no CVS/Walgreens/Convenience store within 1.5 miles of where I was staying.. We were in the city- how can that be?   The plus- it has plenty of big buildings and is walkable.   My hotel- Weston- was on the riverwalk less than a mile to the start.    I guess I don’t stay at many host hotels, but this one was just as cheap as the others so I did.   We had goodie bags, breakfast in the morning and a 3pm checkout time- first time ever I have ever gotten such a late checkout!   When Maria and I wanted a 1pm checkout in Indiana at a 2 star hotel- they charged us!

 

So-   that was great.   But let me back up one moment.   I don’t really want to make excuses but when we talk about taper time-   it’s supposed to be a relaxing time.   Yes sometimes I get sick and even have had a good run when sick, yes the runs feel sluggish- but Taper seemed to be different this time.    Work. .. Stressed out.

  My job- I LOVE what I do, but…  Last fall we got busy to a good challenging level/pace.  That momentum carried into the New Year.  Except, one guy retired who did his own PM work, so his portfolio was added to my load.  Which was busier but I could manage.  Then- We finally hired a new person.  And that person has a lot of stuff to look at AND at the same time my friend/boss/coworker was going on maternity leave.  And while a great experience for me to take over her workload while she is gone and learn that part of the business, it has put me over the edge as far as taking care of myself.  Don't get me wrong, I like the productive feeling at the end of the day,  I’m being noticed because I’m keeping up and doing it all and the 'not my job' is a learn as I go. I can do it but it then makes my life lose the sense of balance that I find so important.

I’m a machine at work- but right now- I forget to eat/take a lunch/refill my water bottle.   It’s fine when it happens for a few days- but we are over a month on this pattern right now. 

 

I mention this- because - the week before the marathon was the peak of my stress (or I hope).  And the last few weeks- I come home and just want to drink a bottle of wine and unwind- and not move- and bless Joe- he is such a great partner.   He’s probably just as tired of my exhaustion as I am.  

Yes- I’m planning a wedding on top of all this- but honestly- that’s not stressful.  That’s fun.  I’m overly organized- been planning for almost a year now, have hired all the awesome people who love what they do and if I have no clue about that thing and have a moment of stress about it -they handle it.   I’m marrying my best friend, and our Bridal party is awesome organizing the fun stuff.  I feel like until the final month- I’m in the place where I have a few things to get done here and there and it’s a stress reliever- and I just get to enjoy it all.   So that’s a plus- the wedding is not adding to the stress.

 

So back to stress and what it does to ones body…Wednesday before the race- I got the fever/chills.   Thursday and Friday nights- I’m even more exhausted- like weak- can’t lift my arms tired.  Saturday I wake up with a migraine.  The plane ride- I’m working to catch up on my job.   I get to the hotel, get the stuff I need to get done for the race done and crank the temp to 75 to blast away the chills- and I just rest (and do more work…).   Hoping I would be relaxed enough to make the race great.  

 

So morning of the race I get up a little earlier than usual to do some yoga because I noticed a few noises in my body on my short runs that week that I wanted to just kind of work out.  I go on my way.   Texting with Erin as I walk to the start, and then with Joe.  This was just another training run- and 26.2 miles was so easy a month ago.

 

We start- and are off- first loop.   Awe start going downhill making our way to the boardwalk.  I try to remind myself not to get too fast to start.  Though it wasn’t hard to be a little slower to start. They didn’t have pace corals- so everyone was just a cluster together.   Then we hit a bit of an industrial area- which still wasn’t bad.  A little up- and on into Brandywine Park-  Oh my – this park was Beautiful- River on your left and zoo on your right and slight rolls but felt more down.   Then we got to go over a swinging bridge- which is awesome on the joints and gave me a little speed….onto some gravel trail and then blacktop trail.   1.5 miles later we reached the climb.   Maybe on the 2^ndloop I realized it was about 1.5 miles up- but on the first loop it didn’t seem too bad.  I slowed to about an 8:40-9:00 and felt a little tired, but the next part made me feel all better- false flats, little downs and little ups.   Oldish houses and just beautiful. Mostly shaded.   And then a little retail and city area with sun.   Again my speed adjusted on the ups, flats and downs.   I was doing everything as planned for the first loop- take it easy and enjoy it.    We made our way back through to the down of what we climbed but it was more of a 2 mile down as we passed where we got on the hill.    It.was.just.beautiful.    I still don’t know how to master downs though I guess.   I say- no resistance- try not to pound the down but also just let the turnover happen.

 

And then we turn up Market St and it gets a little difficult.  Some people passed me for what was first time on the whole run.   Then I think I’ll just regain the umpf as we go down into loop #2- The plan was to pick it up on the flat part of Loop #2…..and adjust on the hills.   
That didn’t happen.  Instead I started to desire a bathroom stop and I started to slow…and slow….and slow…. And finally I stopped to use the bathroom in hopes- knowing in training when I would stop for a bathroom break- after I felt fresher and faster…but again that didn’t happen….   So I decided I need a little walk- it’s too early for a crash and burn maybe if I give myself a moment to catch myself- I’ll be good.

…I texted Kristen in this time.   And she’s not only a great running partner but she’s a great coach (duh).  Reminding me to stay positive telling me what I needed to hear.   I run again-  I cramp and stop- and stretch…. I run again…and stop and start and stop and start – I make it up the hill- walking a lot of it….and then a little down….and I’m cramping here like the kind that takes over your legs.  And that when the tears first hit.   Kristen texts me “Deep Breaths, calm yourself down. Repeat out loud I am Strong. I am Strong- one word per breath”  ….and that’s what I did- I was running again-  maybe I could still finish sub 4 I kept saying in my head I.am.strong.  Mile 22- I just needed 10 minute miles to keep that a dream.   But then I had a 15 minute mile! ….4 hours was out the door-    From there- at 10 minute miles I was looking at a 4:05….    I run more, I cramp I stretch- I run.  I wished so much for a Vanessa (Baltimore – amazing running friend).   I never found any one friendly.   I was surrounded by people that had a natural slower stride than me, as when I was running and getting into my stride- even slower for me I would pass them- but then I would cramp and have to stop and stretch.  

Finally mile 23 I was at the down… 2 miles down…you would think cruise control right?  Nope – bc if my legs moved at the speed they are made to go- they were cramping and I was walking.   11 minute miles – DOWN….  That’s right.

(If you want to see lactic acid bubbling through your body at its finest just ask I have video but videos don't post on this)

 

And I still had one more climb up before I hit the final down into the finish coral.   Sad to say even with .1 miles to go I was cramping and had to stop for a moment- and then made my way running-  2 people passed me in the finish coral but I ran it.

  I finished- I started to cry- and just couldn’t be there-  I left the scene as fast as I could-  if this was the first time this happened maybe I wouldn’t have been so upset.   But even then- Baltimore-  I wasn’t as committed to my training and speedwork as I was this time.   And Alabama-  I was overtrained.  This time training was spot on, I recovered I watched for becoming overtrained.    Why was this such a bad race? Was it really the work stress and how do I keep this from happening again?  

I.dont.know.

All I know is it was my last run as Tara Kreuser- I wanted it to be a PR, it was a golden run (state #34 age 34).   Best training ever shouldn’t lead to this.  What is wrong with me ?  how do I pr? 

I’m hoping a little rest and getting back at it- I can keep moving forward with my strong training until it results in a payoff of a great race.   I don’t expect every race to be a PR- but when sub 4 hour marathons were coming so easy for me for such a long time- and training is better than ever- I expect at least an easy sub 4 hour race.

Wish we could turn back time to the good ole days- where a sub 4 hour race was the norm especially for how strong I’ve gotten- but now I’m stressed out.

I thought about entering into another race in the near future to just feel better about it all.  But- my work position won’t change for the next two months-  and while I will keep on working on ways to de-stress my body-  that probably includes not putting it through another marathon in this busy time- after it fought me so hard on this one.

So….Next race I enter I will be Tara Anne Kessenich.  Hopefully then I can focus on the new days were Tara Kessenich only knows how to run a sub 4 hour marathon.